My Inner Wellness Journey

Victim Mentality- Identifying And Understanding The Stigma

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Identifying What Is Victim Mentality

There are three types of victims in life; they are: 1. A person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of an accident, crime, or another event or action. 2. A person who is tricked or duped. Or 3. A person who becomes helpless and passive in the face of ill-treatment or misfortune.

In my article we are going to look into what is Victim Mentality- Part 1. Victim Mentality also called victim syndrome or victim complex, is a person who likely sees themselves a victim in most situations.

Three Key Beliefs To The Victim Mentality:

*Bad things always happen and they will keep happening

*Circumstances or other people are at fault

*What is the point of trying, when all my efforts fail.

The idea of victim mentality has been thrown around in pop culture and conversations so much, as to refer to a person who is stuck in negativity and in turn, forces it upon others.

It is because of its usage, there is a stigma surrounding the term that health professionals avoid using it.

Although, people who are emotionally trapped in a state of victimization often express a lot of negativity; it is extremely important to realize the significant distress and pain one feels to fuel this mindset.

What Does The Victim Mentality Look Like

“veer into the belief that everyone else caused their misery and nothing they do will ever make a difference.” Vicki Botnick, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) from Tarzana, California says, explaining how people identify with the victim role. This in turn, leaves them feeling vulnerable, which results in difficult behaviors and emotions.

Let’s take a look at some of those:

*No Accountability – The whole “It wasn’t me” was not a term Shaggy started and it starts with a lack of accountability.

This might involve:

*Always making excuses

*Not taking responsibility

*Reacting to life with “It’s not my fault”

The thing is, I have seen bad things happen to people who do not deserve it, and it often happens enough that it is understandable when some start to believe the universe hates them.

Another thing, is that many situations DO involves some degree of personal responsibility. For example, consider a job loss; while it is possible to lose a job without good cause, there can be underlying factor(s) that play a part.

A person can very likely end up facing the same situation because they failed to consider those reasons and therefore may not learn or grow from it.

*Can Not or Will Not seek possible Solutions- I have always said it is perfectly okay to have a pity party or spending some time wallowing in misery, for it is a time to self reflect, process and acknowledge painful emotions. It is NOT okay to stay in this frame of mind. It should have a definite end point because this will hinder your thinking process and therefore, your actions.

People who have been victimized may show a little interest in trying to change or make changes, even if that small action lead to improvement. They may reject offers of help and can seem to continue to only be interested in feeling sorry for themselves.

That is why it is important that this time period is a short one, so that they can begin healing and change.

*Feeling Powerless- A majority of people who feel victimized also believe that they lack power to change their situation. They do not like feeling low and would love for things to go their way. Unfortunately, from their perception, life continues to throw situations at them and they can do nothing but succeed or escape.

According to Botnick, “It’s important to be mindful of the difference between ‘unwilling’ and ‘unable’, explaining that some people make a conscious choice to shift blame and take offense. Although, in her practice, she commonly works with people who has experience deep-seated psychological pain, and that makes change an impossible task.

*Self-sabotage and Negative Self-talk-

People with victim mentality may internalize the negative messages by the challenges they face. Having the victim mentality supports the beliefs such as:

*”Everything that is bad, happens to me”

*”Why do anything about it? It changes nothing”

*”I deserve all the bad things that happen to me”

*”No one cares.”

With each new difficulty, these unhelpful ideas become fully intertwine into your inner monologue. Having this become a repeated cycle is one of the worst things a person can do, as the negative self-talk can damage resilience, which makes it harder for a person to jump back and heal proper.

People who believe in their self-talk often have an easier time at living it out which is why negative self-talk and self-sabotage often can go hand in hand. Meaning that if the self-talk is negative, then it is more likely unconscious sabotage towards any attempt at change.

*Lacking Self-confidence- People with victim mentality may struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence, making the feelings of victimization even worse. They might even think things like, “I am not smart enough to get a better..” or “I am not talented enough.”.

This outlook on life may keep them from growth, developing natural skills or being about to identify and nurture new strengths and abilities that can help them achieve goals and aspirations.

Even those who try to succeed, but then fail may see themselves as a victim of circumstances again. The negative perceptive that they see themselves in can make it harder to see any other possibility.\


* Full Of Frustration, Anger, And Resentment- Feelings of being a victim can take its toll on a person emotional well-being.

Having this mindset might feel is if:

*Angry and frustrated with the world, thinking it is against them

*Feelings of hopeless because circumstances are never changing

*Feeling hurt, thinking that love ones do not care

*Can be resentful of others happiness and success

*Can be resentful of people who seem happy and successful

These feelings tend to build and fester if not addressed because these emotions can drag a person, who believes will always be a victim, down.

Over time, this can contribute to:

*Angry outbursts




Final Thoughts

Even though this is not a normal article topic for me, I feel that sharing this information can help a lot of people out. I have known people with this mindset and it can disrupt another person energy just as well as they do themselves.

From a person on the outside looking in, I see pain and uncertainty, for I do not know who would willingly put themselves in this mindset. I feel like this can ruin relationships, both family and friends. This can bring on so much hurt and distrust that bridges may never be repaired.

I do hope this can reach somebody who can either find solace in not being alone in this experience or if you have this mindset, you can find yourself ready to grow into a person you can love!

Leave a comment of you have experienced this behavior, an opinion, or have any recommendations for another topic! I can not wait to read them!

*Part 2 will continue on with this topic with its causes, what can we do and what the person with this mentality can do!

With Much Love




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  1. Payton says:

    Until reading your post here, I didn’t know what victim mentality is and I have to be very happy that I am able to learn something new from your post here. It seems to me that you really know so much about what you have shared here concerning the victim mentality. I have a friend who might have this and I will need to talk to him. Thank you for all this detail you shared 

    1. Brendaliz says:

      I am really that my article taught you something because with that, we are able to show wisdom and growth!

      I hope you are apart of the conversation come Part 2, when I talk about what are the causes and also how you or the person with this mindset can do to combat this mentality!

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Keep Being AMAZING 

  2. I’d say we all experienced one or two of the symptoms at some point of our lives. There are moments and situations when you feel hopeless, but the point would be to acknowledge whatever you feel as a failure, injustice or whatever other negative outcome, think about it and DO something about it. To take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. However, sadly, you are right-some people are unable to do it.
    I have a distant relative who always acts as if nothing could be done ever to improve his position in whatever is on the table at a time. He is always full of variety of problems and no matter how hard we all try suggesting walkable solutions, to help him, there is always a new reason why it wouldn’t work. Often, I get the impression that he is either quite comfortable in this role of eternal “victim”, or he is so scared of the reality that he’d rather stay in misery than try to discover how to come out of it.
    Is it too harsh of me? Perhaps. However, it is quite difficult to have any kind of conversation with him where in only five minutes he is not the poor sufferer who can’t be helped in any way.
    On the other hand, I see what a destructive attitude and behavior it is. For himself, at first place.
    I can therefore imagine how difficult it must be for people who are deeper in this mentality, convinced that everything and everyone is working against them, so they might be unable to even have a peek out of that state of mind, and admit, to themselves first, what their actual issue is, let alone initiate some changes or ask for help.
    I hope your excellent article will be read by many who might have this problem themselves or a loved one who they could help to.

    1. You insight is AMAZING! We can try to help only so much because at the end of the day, every thing we react to, is by choice. The only thing is when you do not believe in that. When everything is colored in negativity and hopelessness is more then a word, it is an absolute feeling.
      In Part 2, I will be discussing what causes such a mindset and also how they and people around them can do to support a healthier outlook and I hope to read your comment on that one too! Thank you!
      Keep Being AMAZING!

  3. Joy says:

    hello there. Amazing review you have here it really dragged my attention as i was just glancing through and it just could not ignore. I really think that that this article is going to help a lot of people as it is going to help me. Also nice work here keep up the good work and thanks for sharing this information with us. 

    1. Brendaliz says:

      Hello Joy! 

      Thank you for your awesome feedback! I really do hope this does help alot of people and I am super glad it will benefit you too! Please stay tune to Part 2, as I will be writing about what causes this mindset and how we can help and/or support those who want to overcome this perception!

      Keep Being AMAZING!

  4. Sherry says:

    Having the victims mentality is actually very had and can even be worse in the long run if proper care is not put into placen what you shared here is both enlightening and very great to see here. I actually like the fact that you broke it all down that it all boils down to the psychology of the victims. Thanks

    1. Brendaliz says:

      Yes I believe that the longer you are not addressing this, the harder it is change your outlook on life. The big problem I see is that the damage that occurs in the long run are even worst! 

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I appreciate you so much! 

      Keep Being AMAZING 

  5. Ceci says:

    Thanks for highlighting this often experienced but rarely discussed condition. A victim mentality is a really terrible thing for someone to have as it translates into angry individuals with a beclouded perception of everything around them. It is very damaging to relationships!

    1. Oh yes, it is very damaging to everyone all around! The perceptive they see from is very dark and lonely and I could only imagine the torment they feel on the inside. I hope this brings awareness because by the end of it all, everyone can end up needed some therapy (in my opinion!).
      I hope this opens up a discussion on something not often mentioned, except when its overused in society,
      I hope to heard from you soon!
      Keep Being AMAZING!

  6. Wow!!! What an amazing article. To be completely honest, I have struggled with a majority of these things for most of my life. It’s crazy too because even when you are aware of victim consciousness within yourself, its still difficult to overcome. I have always found though, that being humble and honest with yourself are very real anecdotes to overcoming these harmful patterns. Taking action and changing your habits are also solutions that can change the course of a destructive inner world.

    Thanks for writing and sharing this. I will look forward to your next article.

    1. I am really happy that you found the strength to fight your way out of that mindset! I have known people that can not or simply may not be able too (by themselves) and it is a little scary to think these feeling are swirling inside them.
      Not many people can find the way with being honest and humble within themselves, so that makes you a very special person! Never loose that spark of power! You are doing AWESOME!
      I look forward to hearing from you!
      Keep Being AMAZING!

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