My Inner Wellness Journey

Learning How To Love Yourself – A Guide for Self-Love

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What is Self-Love?

First of all, self-love DOES NOT make you a self-centered human with a narcissism problem. I can only think that a selfish person who was gaslighting someone, made that up AND everybody selfish enough to share it, DID.

Self-love is when you have high regards for your own well-being and happiness. It means taking care of your own needs first and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love is simply not settling for less than what you deserve.

Having self-love requires you to care of yourself, as if you were YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. Treat yourself kindly WITHOUT nitpicking and criticizing. For many, like myself, growing up where love is lacking or very up and down, makes loving yourself take work. Self-love is a practice and it’ll take work, but it is COMPLETELY worth it!

To have love for yourself does not mean you are the smartest, riches, most talented and beautiful person in the whole wide world! Instead, it is when you accept yourself no matter what your so-called weakness is and appreciating those short comings as something that makes you who you are. For when you Learn TO love yourself, you learn to also have COMPASSION for yourself.

Self- love is NOT about instant gratification and a new pair of shoes OR eating your favorite dessert that might make you feel better for that moment, but just like the bill or the morning after stuffing your face, that feeling does not last long. This can actually be damaging in the long run. Self-love means giving yourself what it really needs mind(brain), body and soul; for the whirlwind that is LIFE. The practice of Self-love is simple, it is the nourishment of yourself.

So let’s see what we can do TOGETHER on learning how to love yourself!

Me, Myself and I – My Self-Loving Journey

I am without a doubt still practicing this. I DO have to keep on ACCEPTING to love every imperfection and have constant compassion for myself because let’s face it, I can be very hard on myself! Its really hard to accept yourself when you were not shown how to do that. It is really hard to show compassion to yourself when there is no compassion shown around you.

I have come to realize that this has become a form of cycle that ends up eating at you from the inside out. I have seen many reactions people can have when this cycle is active in one’s life. I have seen a person emotionally blank (where they are hiding behind a form of shield), I have seen a person so thirsty for love that they would take anyone (no matter what) or have such low opinion of myselves, just to name a few. I have experiences settling for less because it was ‘better’ then being by meself. I WAS better than being lonely.

Hitting rock bottom was the WORST and BEST thing that ever happened to me and I am going to show you what I do to keep growing in LOVE with MYSELF!

Hopefully these 10 tips can help you too!

10 Tips On Self-Love

1. Learn To Have Fun By Yourself – It is very important that you spend some quality time doing something just for you. Doing something fun can teach you how to enjoy your OWN company and therefore you can become more confident doing it on your own! This includes but is not limited to taking yourself out to the movies, dinner or trying something COMPLETETLY different! Nothing says a ‘bonding experience’ as doing a couple of ‘firsts’ with yourself!

2. Travel Once A Year- If you are anything like me, that is NOT in the budget, BUT it will be! It will be something completely out of my comfort zone! I will not only learn new things about myself but quite possibly another culture. This will also give us a break from our normal routine. So if you can, DO! If not, we wait until we can!

3. Forgive Yourself Of Any Mistakes Made- Start reflecting on mistakes made in the past and start the process of forgiving them. Remember that the past are but lessons that you LIVED THROUGH. They were not made to hold you CAPTIVE. Loving yourself despite any mistakes made, is to love yourself through ANYTHING.

4. Surprise YOURSELF- Trying things out, letting go of control and saying yes to things you would normally say no to, will help you get to know yourself THAT much more! You may find things that you had no idea you would enjoy because it is out of your comfort zone. Trying things that you never realized or tired before is a sure way to connect on a deeper level because it is another layer of YOU! So go on and give yourself a big surprise!

5. Making A Vision Board- Having a visualization of your goals is a GREAT way to keep yourself motivated and excited about your future! Keep focus on your dreams while you start to love LIFE and YOURSELF!

6. Pursuing Any New Interests- Try something new you have wanted to do for a while, or possibly have been scared to do! You can never know what you might enjoy until you try it! So think of a new hobby or go to a new place you wanted to go to!

7. Love Yourself By Challenging Yourself- Challenging yourself has dual purposes! You will be getting to know yourself AND also what you are capable of! Perhaps you are a singer, but of course its just a hobby and you have stage fright BUT you have daydreams of singing on stage and letting it out! Well book that gig, OR start off slow and do some karaoke with an open stage! Who knows, maybe booking a gig will be next!

8. Celebrate Your Achievements- Yes you can list your achievements, but celebrating them really cements what it is you have achieved. Sharing the experience, being proud and telling others of this accomplishment will give credit, where credit is due. This feeling will elevate the feeling of self-worth astronomically. Go get that credit, you deserve it!

9. Work On Your Self-Trust- Practice the art of trusting your own instincts. You are most likely going to know what is best for you and you need to learn how to trust yourself and listen. In order to trust another you need to learn how to trust yourself FIRST. This is an important step to self-love (I am still learning, but I am listening more everyday!)

10. Always Take Care Of Yourself- Get you an activity that you do deliberately to take care of your mental, emotional and physical health. My main activity was the gym (outside this quarantine!) and it actually manages to cover all three! Taking care of yourself can lead to you being the BEST version of yourself!

The End Is Never Ending

I have grown so much since starting my journey a little over a year ago and practicing these steps have saved me more times than I can count. I can not begin to tell you how many times I have strayed off course or thought I would never find

my way back. Yet, here I am and here I will stay, even if it’s just until I walk further along my path. We can stumble and waver on our journey, but NEVER give up! For the only person that can give up is you.

The journey to Self-Love is within us ALL, so choose YOU!

And Keep Being AMAZING!




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  1. Abel says:

    Hmm! This is actually a very important guide because unless we learn to appreciate who we are and learn to appreciate everything that makes us special and unique, we would not be able to appreciate what we are doing and what makes us special and unique. Also, anybody who is able to see beyond just the ordinary and appreciate himself or herself would surely appreciate other things about ourselves. Thanks so much for sharing this here

    1. Brendaliz says:

      I totally agree with you Abel.. how can we truly appreciate life or anyone else unless you can appreciate yourself first. Same goes for putting and loving yourself first so that you can love others in a healthy way. 

      I think the tips I outlined were and are things that I will continually keep doing because giving from an empty cup is draining and hurtful to the spirit. I have learned so much more about myself, my boundaries and my needs too. 

      So thank you so much! I am so happy you gave my article a read and left a comment! 

      Keep Being AMAZING!

  2. Leahrae says:

    I know from personal experience that in order to lead a happy life and have happy healthy relationships, you do have to love yourself.  I went thru a long stretch with my ex and really had me thinking I had no worth.  Took a few years to finally get where I did love myself and I was ready to love someone else.  It is most certainly not make you self-centered.  I would agree.

    1. Brendaliz says:

      Hello Leahrae! 

      Thank you for sharing that personal growth and I am so happy you got out of that toxic vibe and grew into your own! Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom in order to rise above! 

      I went threw two such relationships back to back and I completely understand how it is to feel worthless and not deserving of love. Many do not escape that because it becomes habit forming! 

      I am glad to speak to a kindred spirit! 

      Keep Being AMAZING!

  3. Norman says:

    This is a famous saying in my country and to many people, this means different things but we should love ourselves because if we are to take care of those around us we must first take care of ourselves. I believe that when we truly love ourselves we will be in a better mental state as we are more positive in life which can lead to many great things. Loving one’s self is great so let’s love our selves because how can we extend love we don’t love ourselves.

    1. Brendaliz says:

      Beautifully said Norman! I say the same thing! that in order to full another’s cup, it must be from the overflow of your own! It is like, expecting a car to drive on empty! Yes I might be still on my journey, but I have always been a mother hen, a natural nurturer and my instinct was telling me it was time to share and help as many people as I can! I have experienced and learned so much and I hope that this space I created on my site can bring us together and elevate is individually!

      Thank you so much for dropping a comment! I appreciate it more than you know!

      Keep Being AMAZING 


      1. Everyone needs to practice self-love, every I do be having a SELF-LOVE DAY ON FEBRUARY 14. One must make it a habit of taking time out for themselves. Practicing those steps will do wonders. Awesome post.

        1. Hello Nicole!

          That is a great idea, making sure you have that one day for yourself! It is so true that one must take time out for themselves because you need it! Thank you for stopping by and dropping a comment!

          Keep Being AMAZING!

  4. Rohit says:

    Self love does not amount to be self-centered. It does not amount to narcissism. Self-love is great for wellness and you deserve to love yourself first and then only you can extend it to others. This is not a negative attitude. And off-course it is not about instant gratification. When you start thinking beyond instant gratification, you will start loving yourself. Loving yourself what you are in-spite of whole lot of negative things the world points at at you.

    You tips on self love are great. The idea of having a “me” time is extremely important in developing self love. Moving out of your comfort zone and trying to learn or do something new gives you a sense of accomplishment and pampers you- very important in developing self-love.

    This is an amazing article – made my day on this Sunday Morning. Thanks for sharing. Do keep writing more of such articles.

    1. Brendaliz says:

      Hello Rohit! You are absolutely right, there is nothing negative about putting yourself first and loving yourself more than anyone esle; for how can you love, if you can not love yourself?  It had taken me quite a long time to get it, but when I fully understood the beauty behind this meaning, I held on to MYSELF tighter! 

      Being able to share my experiences and have other’s share within the space I created makes me feel lighter, it makes me happy AND it is definitely me trying new things! 

      These tips really do help me move forward with light and love at the helm!

      Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment! I really appreciate you!

      Keep Being AMAZING 


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