My Inner Wellness Journey

Letting Go Of The Past – Tips To Moving On

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The past can hurt just as much as a freshly new stab wound ready and ABLE to fester. The one question, I think, we all have is this: How I go about letting go of the past, when the hurt is still THERE?

Letting go of the past can be one of the hardest things a person can do. The process can be draining and require way more than expected. I mean, think about it, there is NO worth, when it is handed to you. There is no pay off, without sacrifice and no result without EXECUTION (please see Beauty In The Raw- Glow Up).

I might be writing about this but rest assured, I am a hundred percent still in the process of it. It is not an easy road and the bumps on it can be horrible, but there is nothing to gain if you don’t put everything you have into it.

I feel like the world has a hate for people who do things half-way. So do NOT give it the chance to do more harm.

Pain In Your Soul

Pain is the one thing that connects all humanity together. We all have experiences being hurt whether it is emotional, physical, or both. The similarities end there; because it is how the person chooses to deal with it that really separates us all.

I do believe that when the scars from those pains prevent you from healing, then it is also stopping or severely damaging your growth in so many ways.

I believe that every aspect of your life suffers; relationships, perceptive, family etc. There is no escaping the grip your past has on your PRESENT. If your present is riddled with pain from the past, what makes you think the future holds’ anything different?

So upon doing massive amount of research I have put together tips we can all do TOGETHER. Because no growth is the true tragedy that I am seeing become all too common in the world; and if we as a whole do not grow, then the world can not follow.

Ten Tips For Letting Go Of The Past

1. Counter the painful thoughts with positive mantras YOU create– As with affirmations, you should create a list of POSITIVE counter quotes or statements to combat the chaotic hateful thoughts or feelings that enter your mind. REMEMBER, how you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you firmly stuck within your head. An example is, instead of getting stuck saying “I just can’t believe this is happening to me! ” try to replace that thought with a positive mantra like “It is a new path for me, one where good things are to come.” Repeat until YOU can feel it.

2. Creating Physical Distance– According to Clinical Psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, PhD “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, or being reminded of it as much.” So it just might not be such a bad idea to just take yourself out of any situation that does not ADD to your life positively.

3. Doing Your Own Work– One of the most important steps to me, because I started my journey is FOCUSING on ME. So stop and focus on YOU. Make it a CHOICE to address the pain you have experience in your life. When you think about the person or situation, BRING yourself back to the present. Then, always remember WHAT you are grateful for. You are training your mind to do this instinctively, so try not to falter, because your mind is ready for it.

4. Practice being Mindful– Licensed marriage and family therapist, Lisa Olivera explained this the best way. She said ” The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, the less impact our past or future has on us.” adding “When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives.”

5. Allowing The Negative Emotions To Flow– Reading into this a bit more I realized how true this is. Fearing your own negative emotions causing you to avoid them are pretty common, I found during my research. I fit into this category quite lovely. I fear more how I would react, then the emotion themselves. This is still not healthy because shutting them down or out could still disrupt the process of letting the past go. It can just leave you stuck.

6. Be Gentle With Yourself– If criticizing yourself is your first response to a situation, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. This is also a CHOICE. Hurt is inevitable and we are mostly likely unable to avoid pain but we can definitely have a choice to TREAT ourselves kindly when those times come.

7. Accept Closure Might Not Happen– Waiting on someone else to own up to hurt they caused will slow down your healing process. Believe me, in my experience, there will ALWAYS be someone who won’t admit wrong. So while they are out living their best life, you are stuck. DON’T stay stuck.

8. Self- Care Is Important– When we hurt, often times, it feels like that’s all there is. Practicing self-care can help set boundaries, saying no, listening to our own wants and doing things that cause us joy. The more we combine this into our daily routine, the ore empower we FEEL and the hurt is not as OVERWHELMING.

9. Permit Yourself To Talk About It- There are a lot of reasons people feel as if they can’t talk about it; and that because they can’t express themselves, they can not let go. So give yourself PERMISSION to talk about it. Sometimes a professional might be the way. It does not make you weak, it actually makes you STRONG.

10. Forgive for YOU– Since waiting for someone to apologize can stall any process of letting go, start working on your own forgiveness. This is VITAL to the healing process because you Allow yourself to LET GO of anger, sadness, guilt, shame or any other negative emotion so that you can finally move ON.

Execute The List

As I make my list I realized the progress I have made, but also the areas I must work on. We need to make the CONSCIOUS decision to take CONTROL of the situation. This is not for the faint of heart as it takes an immense amount of time and practice. Be kind to yourself as you practice refocusing how you read and react to a situation and please CELEBRATE all your victories, small and large!

*****Hello Readers!! I hope you feel the love I have for you guys writing these post for OUR journey!! I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE to hear anything you would have to say. Please come on through to converse with me and I will answer questions publicly or through E-mail: brendaliz@journeywithbrendaliz.com, comments or IDEAS! Don’t be scared! I welcome you all!!******

MUCH LOVE

Brendaliz

 


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14 Comments

  1. Hi Brendaliz,

    I really enjoyed reading your article. You have a pleasant, fluent writing style.

    The subject is something we all can relate to. I think everyone has difficult experiences at some point in life, and it isn’t always easy to move on.

    You did good research and also give sound advice.
    While reading, I was thinking about the importance of ‘self-compassion’ and to become friends with our inner critic. When we have too excessive demands of ourselves, this often leads us getting caught up in a negative vicious cycle. Positive self-talk and mantra’s can help to break through this. Thanks for reminding 😉

    Wising you the best,
    Catherine.

    1. Hello Catherine,
      Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! It is uber appreciated and I am happy that you enjoy my writing style!
      Being friends with yourself, first and foremost, is the ultimate in self-care because it is easier to admit when a friend needs help then yourself. I find it is easier to compliment your friends then youself. So make YOU a BESTIE!
      I am glad I remind you who your ultimate friend is and to appreciate them.
      I can’t wait to hear more from you!
      Keep Being AMAZING
      Brendaliz

  2. I’ve been there and done that! I’ve come out on the other side and I am very grateful for that. I must say these tips have helped me so much in my journey of becoming a better person. This journey however is ongoing with some trips and slips. But then I remind myself to keep going on the path to the future rather than looking back to the past.

    Thank you for helping us all.

    Best wishes

    1. Hello Habib!
      I am so glad you came up on top and with the knowledge that it is a never ending road will keep you determined to keep moving forward!
      The future looks as bright as your perception AND it is looking GOOD!
      Thank you for stopping by and commenting!
      Keep Being AMAZING
      Brendaliz

  3. Hi Brendaliz,

    Thanks for this useful article to help people to move on, and it works for everyone, I believe. Most of the time, I found that my friends can’t let go of the previous partners after they break up, so they became negative about everything. What I will suggest to them has a high similarity to your list so that I can relate. 🙂

    I hate to admit that time will heal everything, but it seems so right about letting go. Once we practice more, then the situation will become better each time. Then you will find yourself peaceful for all the lost, such as relationships, death, or material stuff.

    Cheers.
    Matt

    1. Hello Matt!
      I am glad you enjoyed my post! Yes, the time will heal all is a true saying. I just want us all to HEAL during that time because it CAN fester instead,if you let it.
      I am glad you can relate and that you implicate this into your life!!
      Please come on through and read some more post I have! Start a discussion!
      Keep Being AMAZING
      Brendaliz

  4. Such a great article! Letting go of the past is so important, since we cannot change anything about it. We can, however, change our paths going forward and pick the direction that we want to go in. This article reminds me of a strategy that I remember from many years ago, which is something to the effect that you can’t change the event but you can choose how you are going to react and respond to it going forward. Thanks for sharing the great information in this post!

    1. Hello Michael!
      You are absolutely right! Not many people can have a bad past and bounce back as if nothing happened. I am dragging my own feet because these tips are really tough to do; let alone apply it continuously to your everyday routine.
      My determination holds firm though and I do them as I should because a GOOD life can be a GREAT LIFE!
      Thank you once again for the support and comments!!!
      ~Thank You~
      Brendaliz

  5. This is a great post. I agree that at times we can allow our past to cripple the present. We should always be mindful that we only have control over the present, not the past, not the future 🙂 Rewriting the chapters in your life offers a great insight into things you should be grateful of. Thanks for this awesome post!

    1. Hello Ekufaa!
      No, THANK you for coming on through and reading my post and the wonderful comment you left behind! The past can destory you AND everyone around you. It may not be as obvious as drugs but the end result are the same. It leaves you broken and alone with only rock bottom as a net. I am so happy I found a space to share and speak of such matters with all my AMAZING FRIENDS!
      Please come back and leave comments where ever you want 🙂 !
      ~Thank You~
      Brendaliz

  6. Dear Brendaliz,

    Well-researched article on tips to letting go of the past. Very true that waiting for closure in circumstances involving others can lead to being “stuck” and good advice on becoming “un-stuck”. Self-forgiveness is so important to that process as it is necessary to forgive ourselves for our role in becoming involved in hurtful situations. Viewing such circumstances as blessings in disguise and challenges for growth definitely creates fertile soil to blossom spiritually. Nicely done and all the best!

    1. Hello MH!
      Thank you very much! The research I find are ones I did, will or am doing at the present moment. Sometimes, it takes many failures until you get it just right… just remember to keep on doing it until you get it right. I know it is easlier said then done but practicong makes it easier with time! I always try to bring light into the dark in ANY situation and that’s howI keep hope!
      I hope this benefited you in any way!
      Keep Being AMAZING
      Brendaliz

  7. Joel says:

    Hello Brendaliz

    That was a great post once again.. your post just get better and better Everytime I read them , it’s like I’m reading it as you write it lol ..but truly amazing post this is something we can all use to benefit our future for the better . You are amazing and I appreciate these great post you put the time in for , keep up the fantastic work and never stop the growth !!

    With lots of love Joel 🙂

    P.s. amazing blog of the day !!

    1. Hello Joel!!
      Thank so much for your continued support! I am so honored that you have been there since the beginning!I hope you take these words and apply them to your life so that we can all show growth on our path!
      Stay the course, it will become easier as time goes by!
      Keep Being AMAZING
      Brendaliz

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