The past can hurt just as much as a freshly new stab wound ready and ABLE to fester. The one question, I think, we all have is this: How I go about letting go of the past, when the hurt is still THERE?
Letting go of the past can be one of the hardest things a person can do. The process can be draining and require way more than expected. I mean, think about it, there is NO worth, when it is handed to you. There is no pay off, without sacrifice and no result without EXECUTION (please see Beauty In The Raw- Glow Up).
I might be writing about this but rest assured, I am a hundred percent still in the process of it. It is not an easy road and the bumps on it can be horrible, but there is nothing to gain if you don’t put everything you have into it.
I feel like the world has a hate for people who do things half-way. So do NOT give it the chance to do more harm.
Pain In Your Soul
Pain is the one thing that connects all humanity together. We all have experiences being hurt whether it is emotional, physical, or both. The similarities end there; because it is how the person chooses to deal with it that really separates us all.
I do believe that when the scars from those pains prevent you from healing, then it is also stopping or severely damaging your growth in so many ways.
I believe that every aspect of your life suffers; relationships, perceptive, family etc. There is no escaping the grip your past has on your PRESENT. If your present is riddled with pain from the past, what makes you think the future holds’ anything different?
So upon doing massive amount of research I have put together tips we can all do TOGETHER. Because no growth is the true tragedy that I am seeing become all too common in the world; and if we as a whole do not grow, then the world can not follow.
Ten Tips For Letting Go Of The Past
1. Counter the painful thoughts with positive mantras YOU create– As with affirmations, you should create a list of POSITIVE counter quotes or statements to combat the chaotic hateful thoughts or feelings that enter your mind. REMEMBER, how you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you firmly stuck within your head. An example is, instead of getting stuck saying “I just can’t believe this is happening to me! ” try to replace that thought with a positive mantra like “It is a new path for me, one where good things are to come.” Repeat until YOU can feel it.
2. Creating Physical Distance– According to Clinical Psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, PhD “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, or being reminded of it as much.” So it just might not be such a bad idea to just take yourself out of any situation that does not ADD to your life positively.
3. Doing Your Own Work– One of the most important steps to me, because I started my journey is FOCUSING on ME. So stop and focus on YOU. Make it a CHOICE to address the pain you have experience in your life. When you think about the person or situation, BRING yourself back to the present. Then, always remember WHAT you are grateful for. You are training your mind to do this instinctively, so try not to falter, because your mind is ready for it.
4. Practice being Mindful– Licensed marriage and family therapist, Lisa Olivera explained this the best way. She said ” The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, the less impact our past or future has on us.” adding “When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives.”
5. Allowing The Negative Emotions To Flow– Reading into this a bit more I realized how true this is. Fearing your own negative emotions causing you to avoid them are pretty common, I found during my research. I fit into this category quite lovely. I fear more how I would react, then the emotion themselves. This is still not healthy because shutting them down or out could still disrupt the process of letting the past go. It can just leave you stuck.
6. Be Gentle With Yourself– If criticizing yourself is your first response to a situation, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. This is also a CHOICE. Hurt is inevitable and we are mostly likely unable to avoid pain but we can definitely have a choice to TREAT ourselves kindly when those times come.
7. Accept Closure Might Not Happen– Waiting on someone else to own up to hurt they caused will slow down your healing process. Believe me, in my experience, there will ALWAYS be someone who won’t admit wrong. So while they are out living their best life, you are stuck. DON’T stay stuck.
8. Self- Care Is Important– When we hurt, often times, it feels like that’s all there is. Practicing self-care can help set boundaries, saying no, listening to our own wants and doing things that cause us joy. The more we combine this into our daily routine, the ore empower we FEEL and the hurt is not as OVERWHELMING.
9. Permit Yourself To Talk About It- There are a lot of reasons people feel as if they can’t talk about it; and that because they can’t express themselves, they can not let go. So give yourself PERMISSION to talk about it. Sometimes a professional might be the way. It does not make you weak, it actually makes you STRONG.
10. Forgive for YOU– Since waiting for someone to apologize can stall any process of letting go, start working on your own forgiveness. This is VITAL to the healing process because you Allow yourself to LET GO of anger, sadness, guilt, shame or any other negative emotion so that you can finally move ON.
Execute The List
As I make my list I realized the progress I have made, but also the areas I must work on. We need to make the CONSCIOUS decision to take CONTROL of the situation. This is not for the faint of heart as it takes an immense amount of time and practice. Be kind to yourself as you practice refocusing how you read and react to a situation and please CELEBRATE all your victories, small and large!
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